People Pleasing: a little blog chat

Hey Loves,

Are you a people pleaser?

Be Honest.

There's no judgement here.

Most of my clients identify as people pleasers. Which on the surface feels like a very positive trait - especially if you're a female in the business world or managing a family - or BOTH! Understanding how to identify peoples needs and meet them is a highly sought after skill for everyone - except, it doesn’t always work out for you. So, here's the thing... People pleasers are blocked from living their best life. They don't feel true joy because, they live & thrive off others slight praise. Living off external influencers will NEVER allow you to feel whole, within. Which, my dear, is no way to live. 

Now let me pause here and recognize that I could totally take a page from your book. I could learn to take things in the stride, go with the flow and accept more. My entire being says CONFRONT. CONFRONT. CONFRONT. I get uncomfortable when stones are left unturned. When I’m out of my comfort zone. When I don’t feel valued. So, I ask the tough questions - but, constantly. Which helps me to be a killer coach, but sometimes less than desirable to a loved one. I'm always learning from my clients.

So - let's just put it out there: at the end of the day, the grass may be greener, but we all have a lawn to manage. We can learn so much from each other. This post is about understanding one small aspect of your sweet, human self and learning how to improve it - because you're beautiful, my darling, and you don’t have anything to prove. 

one of these mornings the chain is gonna break but up until then, child, im going to take all I can take
— aretha franklin, chain of fools

The thing about people pleasing is that the chain always breaks. You always end feeling less than. You don't get credit for your effort. Your effort becomes expected, not praised. Expectations are raised right at that moment you're at capacity - but, you say yes. Yes! I'll take on the project. I'll pick up the kids. I'll bring the homemade, gluten free, nut allergy compliant cupcakes. I'll make the costume. My kid will wear the orange shirt. I'll pay the money. I'll go for drinks with the client. OMG I'm exhausted just typing it all. You do it all, and NEVER feel enough.

I'm a big fan of homework and reflection, so let's talk about solutions. Below is an activity I give clients. Do it. Take your time. 

How are you valued? (reliable, the sweet one, the clean one, the smart one...)

What's your real value? (shed the labels - who are you really???)

What are you saying yes to right now? (what obligations have you committed to? what upsets your partner, but makes you genuinely happy? What conversations do you cave to? what foods do you eat that aren't inline with how you want to eat?)

What do you wish you could say no to or stand up for?

OK, so what can you change? (there are so many things out of our control, but so many things in our control that we just give to others)

What is the impact of your change? (who/what will be impacted from your change? Is it livable?)

Being less of a people pleaser doesn't mean you become a selfish asshole. It means you take ownership of your skills and time. It means you own your value. It means other people will SEE YOU and value you as well. Because you have so much value. 

This is a heavy post, so reach out with any thoughts or feelings - I'm here for ya!

Much Love,

Emilie

Home Organizing made SIMPLE

 I've felt a strong pull to simplify, streamline & therefore strengthen my life & business. After connecting with Emily Hamilton, owner of Gather by Emily, I knew I wanted - no NEEDED - to work with her! Emily is a professional organizer that goes beyond the usual call of duty. Her services spam from client & event hosting to business management to home & office organization. Ummmmmm, yes please?! Emily came over and in LESS THAN AN HOUR my entire home office was whipped into shape. IT WAS A DREAM! Click through the before & afters!

After we finished, Emily hopped on a Facebook Live with me to share her expertise with my Elemental Living Community - you can catch a replay here and check out her top tips below. 

Emily's Top Organization Tips:

1. Keep it simple - I often meet people who have bought right bins, made perfect labels, and ordered everything from the Container Store, but they still feel totally overwhelmed. Really the solution is to simplify and own fewer things. The fewer things you have to organize, the less time and resources you have to spend organizing them.

When you begin decluttering/simplifying, DO NOT BUY ANYTHING: no bins, drawer organizers, or file folders. You never know what you'll find along the way or what you can repurpose to avoid purchasing even more clutter!

2. Put things that are alike together. This not only helps you easily find items, but also alerts you when you need to buy more. It even prevents you from purchasing extra when you don't need to. 

  • All pens should be in the same place. Go through and test them and throw out the ones that don't work.
  • All batteries should be together, even if they aren't the same size.
  • All stationery, envelopes, stamps, etc should be together. 
  • Throw out or donate duplicates, worn out/broken items, or things you just don't like.

3. Paper and packaging is A PROBLEM.

  • Throw out mail as soon as you get it. 
  • Enroll in paperless billing and bank statements.
  • Go through receipts - toss for items that can't be returned. Scan items that need to be retained for records and save them on the cloud. *I like Cam Scanner.*
  • When you buy office supplies, toiletries, household items, etc, remove any extra packaging as soon as you get home. It takes up more space and and allows you to see exactly what you have easier.
  • Magazines, Toss them! If you have articles/recipes that you want to save, see if you can find them online and save them to Pinterest or a Bookmarks bar instead of saving the whole magazine.
  • Books, if you wouldn't spend your valuable time to read them again, donate them to the library for a tax write off or try to sell them on Amazon.

4. When you begin organizing a space, take everything off & out first. If you're clearing off your desk, take everything off. It will look MUCH WORSE before it looks better, but I promise this is more effective! File or scan papers. Toss old batteries, odds and ends, pens that don't work, etc. Put back only what you consistently use or what brings you joy.

For example, I hate writing with pencils. I don’t hand-write that many things for my job, so there is no need for me to have 20 pencils in a cute cup just because someone gave me a nice monogrammed set. Even though they’re pretty and I like the person that gave them to me, they have no function in my life. So, I put them in a bag and gave them to my friend who’s an elementary school teacher. She has plenty of function for them.

Now, you don’t have to throw out literally everything. Above my computer, I have a note from my best friend that makes me laugh every time I read it and ticket stubs from an event my husband and I attended together. Certainly these things don’t serve a particular function, but they make me happy to see them. That said, you do not need to keep every thank you note you’ve ever received. Encouraging notes and good memories are important, but so is the clear, white space we mentally and physically need for creativity and rest
— Emily Hamilton, owner & organizer Gather by Emily

5. Once you have made a point to HAVE less, make it a mission to BUY LESS. Bring less into your home/office and you'll have less to keep organized. Spend your time and resources on other people, experiences and bettering yourself, not on *things* that you'll use up or wear out.

Healthy Holiday Tips

Hey friends! I've got a fun video to share with you! Friend and fellow #GIRLBOSS, Megan LaRussa and I teamed up to give you a few Healthy Holiday Tips as part 3 of her Style More, Stress Less video series. You might remember Megan from a webinar we did together last year, but if not, check out the video below then pop over to her page! My favorite aspect of her style coaching is that Megan helps truly empower clients to feel authentic and confident. She encourages clients to practice self-care, yoga, and nutrition in addition to teaching how to find individual, classic style! 

Much Love & Holiday Pleasure

Emilie

More Style, Less Stress video series with Megan LaRussa

EmL + Hepzibah Farm

Hey hey! I'm really excited to tell you about my new Veggie Box CSA from Hepzibah Farms. A few years ago, I subscribed to a weekly veggie box from Freshfully, a local grocery. It was a total game changer. I attribute the majority of my health and dietary changes to green smoothies and veggie boxes. Finding a farm I trust and purchasing a CSA membership has been on my to-do list for over a year now, so I am thrilled to partner with Hepzibah Farms and check this off my list!

Eating seasonal, local produce is important to me and having a weekly box overflowing with fresh, local fruits and veggies makes it fun and easy to do. Most boxes range from $20-$25; so financially, I found they save me money and trips to the grocery. Centering meal planning around what produce is available that week ensures that I'm working with healthy, plant based recipes on a daily basis. I love being introduced to produce I've never tried and learning about the different cooking methods. So far, I think persimmons were my favorite veggie box surprise! 

I understand there is a certain level of uncertainty involved in making full, nourishing meals from a box of veggies. It definitely gets easier with practice - PROMISE! Below is a snapshot of a dinner I made from Week 2:

  • Grilled Eggplant - dusted with olive oil, salt & pepper
  • Spiralized squash lightly sautéed in butter with onion*, tomatoes, and garlic (*I already had butter & onion on hand)
  • Ground Beef - this was left over from the hamburgers made over the weekend, so it was super easy to add into the mix!
The Hepzibah Flower CSA + my poorly photographed veggie box meal.

The Hepzibah Flower CSA + my poorly photographed veggie box meal.

Each week, I will share photos, recipes, nutrition, or general information about the produce from my CSA to help you guys see how easy it is to make a veggie box work for your household! Please share comments and questions! I'd love to chat with you!