People Pleasing: a little blog chat

Hey Loves,

Are you a people pleaser?

Be Honest.

There's no judgement here.

Most of my clients identify as people pleasers. Which on the surface feels like a very positive trait - especially if you're a female in the business world or managing a family - or BOTH! Understanding how to identify peoples needs and meet them is a highly sought after skill for everyone - except, it doesn’t always work out for you. So, here's the thing... People pleasers are blocked from living their best life. They don't feel true joy because, they live & thrive off others slight praise. Living off external influencers will NEVER allow you to feel whole, within. Which, my dear, is no way to live. 

Now let me pause here and recognize that I could totally take a page from your book. I could learn to take things in the stride, go with the flow and accept more. My entire being says CONFRONT. CONFRONT. CONFRONT. I get uncomfortable when stones are left unturned. When I’m out of my comfort zone. When I don’t feel valued. So, I ask the tough questions - but, constantly. Which helps me to be a killer coach, but sometimes less than desirable to a loved one. I'm always learning from my clients.

So - let's just put it out there: at the end of the day, the grass may be greener, but we all have a lawn to manage. We can learn so much from each other. This post is about understanding one small aspect of your sweet, human self and learning how to improve it - because you're beautiful, my darling, and you don’t have anything to prove. 

one of these mornings the chain is gonna break but up until then, child, im going to take all I can take
— aretha franklin, chain of fools

The thing about people pleasing is that the chain always breaks. You always end feeling less than. You don't get credit for your effort. Your effort becomes expected, not praised. Expectations are raised right at that moment you're at capacity - but, you say yes. Yes! I'll take on the project. I'll pick up the kids. I'll bring the homemade, gluten free, nut allergy compliant cupcakes. I'll make the costume. My kid will wear the orange shirt. I'll pay the money. I'll go for drinks with the client. OMG I'm exhausted just typing it all. You do it all, and NEVER feel enough.

I'm a big fan of homework and reflection, so let's talk about solutions. Below is an activity I give clients. Do it. Take your time. 

How are you valued? (reliable, the sweet one, the clean one, the smart one...)

What's your real value? (shed the labels - who are you really???)

What are you saying yes to right now? (what obligations have you committed to? what upsets your partner, but makes you genuinely happy? What conversations do you cave to? what foods do you eat that aren't inline with how you want to eat?)

What do you wish you could say no to or stand up for?

OK, so what can you change? (there are so many things out of our control, but so many things in our control that we just give to others)

What is the impact of your change? (who/what will be impacted from your change? Is it livable?)

Being less of a people pleaser doesn't mean you become a selfish asshole. It means you take ownership of your skills and time. It means you own your value. It means other people will SEE YOU and value you as well. Because you have so much value. 

This is a heavy post, so reach out with any thoughts or feelings - I'm here for ya!

Much Love,

Emilie

Elemental Kids: Bucket List

 Hey friends, Laura here! I hope everyone is beginning to embrace a Mind Full of Love this summer!  Now, that we have a knowledge on mindfulness I thought we could discuss and create a special activity to help your families continue this path.  So, let us maintain a feeling of true connection with our families through creativity.

We're going to create a KID BUCKET LIST!!!

And you know what's great about this?? Mom, you get to take a load off! Parents spend so much time trying to entertain kiddos - you're expected to have all the answers and fun ideas., but sometimes you just dont have the energy or time. Thats where the bucket list comes in! So let's jump in! 

kid bucket list

Materials needed:

When creating an art activity children, love to have options.  Giving them a variety of materials will allow their imaginations to expand.

  • Pencils
  • Crayons
  • Markers
  • Watercolor Paint( Art trick-a cup of water and paper towels, giant paper or old sheet to cover the table to help with an easy clean-up)
  • Colored Pencils
  • Tape (Art Trick- tape your child’s paper to the table, so it doesn’t slide)
  • Space with a table to complete activity(Art Trick-  take the activity outside is another way to have an easy clean-up)

Side note- I understand it is difficult to allow your child to use “messy” materials to create a project, but your child will learn and grow their creativity skills and fine motor skills from exploring different writing and art material, so finding a designated area for this expansion is helpful!

How can we incorporate mindfulness when completeling this project?  

While your child is coloring or painting, continue to explore the tips given before, like, the five senses especially if your family decides to complete the activity outside.  What are you feeling, smelling, hearing, seeing, and tasting should not be included in this activity :) See if your family can discover this idea on their own, haha.

 

Bucket list prompts/ideas/suggestions:

 

Cooking with Kids
  • Before beginning this activity, discuss “What is a Bucket List.”  Remember to use language you know your child will understand and follow.  For example: You can break down the two words. What is a bucket? What is a list?  Why do we create lists? Then begin to bring it all together.
  • Continue using words your child can relate with, but introducing new words (only a few at a time depending on the age of the child) will help build their vocabulary.  
  • A bucket list is an account of your favorite activities you want to do or maybe you haven’t ever done and have always wanted to, a list of places you would like to go, a list of people you would like to see.  Think who, what, where.
  • Share ideas and locations, like cooking a specific treat, having breakfast together, capturing lightening bugs or visiting a local shop or attraction. 
  • Who would you like to go see (a family member,  a friend, a show with your favorite singer or TV show) Where are your favorite places to go or would like to go( http://www.mcwane.org/learn/kids-family/, https://www.birminghamzoo.com/education/kids-families/, http://birminghamparent.com/directory/article/birmingham-parents-2018-summer-camp-directory/ ), What are your favorite activities (swimming, riding your bike, going to your favorite ice cream or candy store, playing board games, going to your favorite playground in town)

Ideas to help you carry out the list & stay accountable:

After completing your bucket lists keep them in a place to “show them off” and where everyone will be sure to see it. I know when I need to stay accountable I make sure I can see the task or idea for a daily reminder.  My mind is a camera and it takes a picture of the idea or task I need to remember. Children love to see their work showing off and they will point it out and help to remind you(this happens in my classroom daily;I have thought about creating a classroom job for reminder helper :)

After you have completed the project, sit down as a family, take out your calendar, and schedule in one day a week or one every other week ( depending on your schedule) from your lists to do.  To help with mindful behavior you can create a sticker chart or good deed jar for your family to practice mindfulness and accountability. If they showed you mindfulness or accountability they receive a sticker or pom pom to put in the jar.  When they fill up the sticker chart or jar they get to pick one activity from their bucket list.

FYI:  These activities can meet any age. For a teenager they make think some of it is silly.  Just change it around some to challenge them. They could draw their own bucket and create their own list, you could do a money jar for each time they showed mindfulness or accountability, and when they reach a certain amount then they can use that money for one  of their items on their list. For a child who might struggle with writing then they could draw what they want on their list, or take a highlighter and have them trace the letters.

You can create your own or download this template to get started!

Leave us a comment below and let us know how this works in your family or send some pictures below of your families Bucket lists  :)

Yoga is for All Love is for All or  From my heart to yours,

Laura

 

White Bean Summer Salad

 White Bean Summer Salad

White Bean Summer Salad

Before you run to the store to snag your last minute Independence Day foods, scan this recipe!

I promise it won't disappoint and will add some delish veggies to your regular holiday BBQ! Your fam will thank you - or maybe they won't, but at least you'll feel nourished :) 

This summer salad is nutrient rich and with foods like cucumber in abundance, it's naturally cooling and hydrating to the body - crucial this time of year!

PRE- S: if you want to know more about "this time of year" be sure to download my latest FREE Elemental Guide!

 

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At the last Elemental Living Community Retreat, we gathered around a table to prepare and share this meal. Even the skeptics were pleased with the burst of flavor and how it satiated our starving bellies!

What's even better?

NO COOKING!

Nope - just about 10-15 minutes to slice, dice & rice. 

 

WHITE BEAN SUMMER SALAD

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 large can white beans, drained & rinsed
    • (Cannelloni, Great White, Northern or even Butter Beans!)
  • 3-4 small cucumbers, diced 
  • 1 bunch radishes, sliced 
  • 1-2 broccoli florets, riced
  • 1 big handful fresh basil, finely chopped 
  • 2 medium tomatoes, cut anyway!
  • 1/2 purple onion, diced
  • Pine Nuts (or any other "topper" you desire)

DIRECTIONS

  1. Prepare veggies as indicated above.
  2. Drizzle EVOO + Red Wine Vinegar or Apple Cider Vinegar(1-2TBL of each) over the bowl of veggies, mix well then let marinate for 15+ minutes.
  3. Add the white beans, mix well & chill (you & the meal!).

TO SERVE
Top with pine nuts + Vegan Arugula Pesto when serving. 
Note: you can absolutely add quinoa for a heartier salad or top with tuna, avocado or whatever your heart desires - get creative & tell me about it!

VEGAN ARUGULA PESTO

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 cup arugula
  • 1 cup basil
  • 1 cup soaked walnuts
  • 1/4 cups pine nuts
  • 4-5 gloves garlic
  • 1 whole lemon, juiced 
  • EVOO

DIRECTIONS

  1. Add ingredients to a food processor & blend on low.

  2. Add water as needed. You want the pesto to be in between a salad dressing & a thick sauce texture.